Felix Beiderman is a dark-haired, muscular Jewish man in his early thirties with a strong and honest face who podcasts with the irreverent far-left podcast Chapo trap house. Often regarded as the funniest guy on the pod, he nonetheless has an earnest streak a mile long. While he cloaks himself in irony, its no secret there is real pain in his heart. He probably is very good at spooning.
Donald Trump is an heir and businessman, and moreover currently president of the United States of America. His malfeasance, stupidity and vanity cannot be understated. Felix Beiderman, through a bizarre turn of events, has gained an opportunity to interview Trump. The transcript of their interview follows:
Beiderman: So I’m here with Donald J. Trump, President of the United States of America. And you’re also here with your wife Melania?
Trump: Yes, and my son Barron.
Beiderman: You have three children?
Trump: Three, actually. My oldest son Eric is nine years old, and my youngest son Kai is five.
Beiderman: How did you meet?
Trump: Well I first saw her at a party, and I thought she was very beautiful. And then I saw her again a few weeks later, and I said she’s with me.
Beiderman: Nice answer. Do you have any children together?
Trump: Yes, we have a 10 year old daughter. She’s a very good student. Her name is Ivanka.
Beiderman: Congratulations on your daughter’s education! She went to good schools?
Trump: Yes, she’s in the New York City public schools. She has many friends. You’d like her, she’s a nice girl.
Beiderman: You seem very close. Did you have a happy family life?
Trump: We’re happy, and we’re close. I’m a very hands on dad. I mean I don’t know if that’s popular. Some people might not like that. I like it. I think its good.
Beiderman: What is it like to be a father?
Trump: It’s OK. It’s harder than you might think, but it’s ok.
Beiderman: I have a daughter, and I know how much you have to sacrifice as a parent. I mean some people might not think you’re a good father because of your work schedule.
Trump: I am a good father. I mean I work hard to provide for my family. Some people might not believe that, but it’s true.
Beiderman: So how do you do it? How do you fit it all in?
Trump: It’s not easy, but I try to do it as efficiently as possible. I try to work as little as possible, but you have to work to make money to support your family. That’s just the way it is.
Beiderman: How do you keep your sanity?
Trump: I have good days and bad days. On good days, I might go walking with my family at one of our many parks around the city, and then go to my office and do my job. That’s a good day. On other days, I have to go to a restaurant and hold a meeting, or do any one of the other things I don’t want to do, but am required to do.
Beiderman: I can’t imagine.
Trump: It’s lonely at times, but when you’re at the top you make friends with the lonely.
Beiderman: I can’t imagine.
Trump: It’s a tough world out there, and I think I’m the best person to be making decisions about the future of this country. You can quote me on that.
Beiderman: I will. So if you’re the best person to make decisions about the future of this country, how do you feel about your chances against Alexa’s dad?
Trump: Well, he’s got a good thing going. I mean he’s really doing well. It’s not just the business, he’s got his entertainment career going. I mean I’m not going to lie, I have looked into getting into entertainment, and I think I could do very well if I did. But I’m not quite ready to give that up yet.
Beiderman: How so? You’re like forty years old!
Trump: Yeah, but in the world of entertainment you have to move fast. You have to take all the opportunities that come your way, and when you’re lucky enough to have some success, you have to make the most of it. You can’t sit on your *** and hope things happen.
Beiderman: Hmmm, you make it sound like you’re going to be successful if you just wait around a little longer.
Trump: I know I will be.